The House of the Devil

December 18th, 2009 by admin No comments »

This is a movie that either did not hook you with the preview or you missed hearing about it altogether. If so, then the joke is on you.

I’ll admit that the preview didn’t do much for me. In fact, after seeing this movie, I can say that the trailer does not provide a very good basis for what the movie is like. However, it did leave me curious, curious enough to seek it out and watch it.

I don’t know why, but I really like movies that look like they were shot in the 80’s or 90’s. There is something about them that is…comforting, almost novel in a way. The House of the Devil felt very 80’s, and rightfully so. In fact, now that I think about it, The House of the Devil was delightfully 80’s and I loved it.

First of all, this movie isn’t about gore or quick and sudden scares. This movie was all about suspense, a slow building suspense and impending sense of doom. Creepy is probably the right word. The film follows a college student, Samantha Hughes, who is in desperate need of funds to pay the first month’s rent on her new place. She finds a babysitting ad on campus and, essentially, the movie begins.

Samantha and her friend Megan drive out into the country to a large and isolated farm house where the babysitting job will take place. There, they find Mr. & Mrs. Ulman, an elderly couple that lives in the house. The creepy vibe takes on a slow pulse at this point in the movie due to the fact that Mr. Ulman is freakishly tall. Not to mention, Mr. Ulman tells Samantha that they actually do not have a child and would like her to take care of their elderly and ailing mother. Suspicious right? Well, Mr. Ulman is quite the snake and manages to present a believable case for his lie. Plus, Samantha is a starving and money hungry college student, so the offer goes up and she decides to stick around.

Anyway, Megan leaves her friend behind to a quiet night with the TV, pizza, and a satanic demon. Speaking of the whole Satanic aspect of the movie; what I liked best is that we (the audience) know all, while Samantha, knows nothing. That is basic horror and suspense 101, but this movie does something unique, either unique or completely lifted from actual movies filmed in the 80’s. Either way, I liked it. Most of her time at the house is spent doing nothing, as in calling Megan, ordering pizza, flipping on the TV, and popping in a cassette to dance to around the magnificently huge and seemingly abandoned and haunted farmhouse. What would an 80’s movie, or Quasi-80’s movie be without an 80’s carefree jam and dance session with the headphones on?

The last ten minutes of the movie are similar to the division of wealth in America. The smallest percent is getting all the action. I’ll put it this way: If you go into this movie having seen the trailer, then you will at least have the gist of what is about to go down. However, if you watch this movie willy-nilly, no trailers or synopsis or anything, then you will be wondering what is going on for the first 80% of the time. You will know that something ominous is afoot, but there won’t really be a good clue until the latter half, which brings me to my point. Everything is revealed in the last ten or fifteen minutes. It’s like being paralyzed from the waist down most of your life, then on your 75th birthday, bursting out of your wheelchair and doing the 100 yard hurdles through a half a mile of an active war zone. The tone completely changes in a split second. During this shift I’m speaking of, both we, the audience, and Samantha, are on the same playing field. We all know just as much as the other. Another great thing about this movie was that the villains were so real. They were involved in a satanic cult and sick in the head, kind of.

I recommend this movie because I enjoyed it. Watching it in the dark even proved quite challenging, leading me too do that thing where I don’t look at the screen, but look through it like I’m spacing out. I can’t say that I would take a babysitting job like that with people like that in a place like that, being that I am a guy and parents tend to lean towards girls when choosing babysitters, but it is also because of the fact that I don’t trust anyone. Chances are that if I’m doing so much as meeting a stranger off of Craigslist to buy a mountain bike, I’ll carry a pair of scissors in my pocket. Not those child’s safety scissors either, the real deal. I am extremely paranoid though.

If you had the chance to see a movie like The Strangers, then I would give this one a shot. They’ve both got that eerily suspenseful feeling and audio that allows you to hear the pad of each footstep and cackle of the fireplace. They really give you that sense of quiet and solidarity that one feels when completely alone. Check it out.

Rosemary’s Baby. Just sayin’.

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Vampire Weekend Contra Tour

December 13th, 2009 by admin No comments »

I once had a great opportunity, an opportunity, that if properly approached and taken advantage of, my life could have changed. My sleep could have been deep and healing, 8-9 hours each night. Stress could have rolled off my shoulders like raindrops off the surface of a freshly waxed car. Days could have passed without instance, whatever that may mean, and time would have worked according to my schedule, if only I had taken advantage of that one missed opportunity.

I’m speaking of ACL 2008. Vampire Weekend was set to play around 2 in the afternoon. I was done with class at 11. So, what’s the dilemma? Well, I’ll tell you the dilemma. It was other people. For some reason or another, not really looking to place any blame on any specific person, mostly because I already know who that person is, we didn’t make it on time. I don’t want to dwell on who misplaced what ticket, or who lost what set of keys, or who needed to eat a sit-down lunch half an hour before leaving; there’s just no need for that. What I want to focus on is my deep seeded remorse and sense of dishevelment that is with me everyday like a parasite attached to my temporal lobe. I sit here now, listening to Vampire Weekend, only being able to wonder at how amazing they might have been to hear live. I think to myself: Wow, I bet they can really mix some things up on stage. Not to mention, they are beginning the tour of their new album, Contra. This could be my one shot at redemption, at least until they release a third album.

Slowly, they’ve been dropping hints, releasing new songs.

If that doesn’t make you burn for Christmas and Horchata, then I can’t say what would. I actually bought and tried Horchata for the first time because of this. Sure, I probably would have come across it at some other time in my life, without this song, but who’s to say when that would have been?

They’re also bustin’ out songs that won’t even be on the album, like California English.

This one isn’t even going to be a part of the album. They probably just cooked this up in one of their jam sessions, all casual-like, the singer just awoke from his massive hangover, the keyboardist still recovering from a battle with the flu, the drummer in the middle of finishing his research on ethical neuro-chemistry. They just said, “Hey, if you’ve got a few minutes to spare, I’m thinking we could just throw out some beats and see where it takes us.” BOOM. California English. At least, that is how I imagine it to have happened.

Anyway, as I’ve almost forgotten where I was going with this, I simply dig the band. I don’t jam to them all the time and I occasionally check their tour schedule, but if one of their songs happens to come on, I’ll strum the air guitar and pop one on the dashboard, and if they happen to be playing inside the continental US, then I will consider going. That is the case now. They will be playing in the US, East and West coast, for only 11 days. I figure that of course, they will probably come back again after that, but who’s willing to risk that? So, California or New York, here I come.

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My Beef with School: Textbooks

December 9th, 2009 by admin No comments »

The end of another semester has finally arrived. My blood pressure is gradually returning to its normal state. I no longer need a scoop of NO Shotgun dumped dryly in mouth, only to be gurgled in the shower with scalding tap water to aid in my morning cram session. Now that there is no need to memorize the process of cell division or the intricacies of Kleinfelter Syndrome, I am once again able to obtain the erections that come with being twenty years old, body still in the reconstruction process from the hormonal ravages of puberty, my brain no longer clouded with the images of ambiguous genitalia or the paralyzed cilia of smoker’s lung from my textbook. Life is returning to me and I can feel it. Food tastes fresher. I’m no longer a victim of stress induced weight loss, and best of all, my bowel movements are so predictable that you could set the clock with them. My last final exam was today, and I must say that I felt exhilarated, for a few seconds. That was followed by a moment of brief and intense exhaustion. It was like my body and my brain finally had an epiphany and realized that it was all over. They didn’t need to hold up the facade anymore, the mask of dedication and effort. It was simply time to relax. If only that were the case.

I am not sure about whether or not I have mentioned this before, but my tuition is expensive. The last thing I need while in college is another expense. Of course though, that is just not a feasible request. At the beginning of this semester, I spent about $400 at the campus bookstore. It would have been closer to $650 if I hadn’t ordered a few of the books online. Anyway, the end of the semester always means the chance to sell back your books, for half of the original price. Lets do the math.

I paid close to $400 for about ten books, six of which were all for my ethics class, written by philosophers who tended to use a lot of circular rhetoric that never really went anywhere without first branching off into a couple hundred tangents all with their own back story and book jacket; in modern times referred to as stoner talk. So, out of these ten books, they bought back eight. Keep track of these numbers. Eight books! WOW! That’s got to be close to $200 back in my pocket. No. I came away from that bookstore with $18. They bought back every single one of those philosophy books, for an average of $0.75 a piece. That’s probably about the same amount of money someone would pay for me to smoke a blunt with the girth of a baseball bat and then lecture for an hour on the meaning of ambiguity and prudence. Here is where it gets really good.

The only two books I couldn’t return were my Spanish books. These were about $150 a piece. The reason for not buying back either of them: the professor had ordered a new edition. The worst part of it was that I ended dropping both of those Spanish classes. In fact, I missed the return deadline by one day at the beginning of the semester, so I was told to hold on to the book and sell it back at the end. They think they’re so clever. That’s another huge problem with book buybacks; professors are constantly writing unnecessary new editions. For instance, it was suggested that for this semester in Biology, we should buy the 5th edition of Human Biology: Concepts and Current Issues. This book was close to $200 at the book store. I bought the 4th edition on Amazon for $26, shipping included. Basically, professors need the money, so they throw in a few revisions here in there, change the word skinny to thin, flat to compressed, scrotum to gonads, and they’ve got a new edition ready to hit the printing press. People. Call me when someone finally figures out how to spice up a text. Instead of the professor writing in a stuffy and awkward jargon that he/she considers to be “easy-to-read” and “friendly”, how about shooting for all out raunchy. Why not just give in and make chapters on reproduction and digestion as hilarious and straightforward as we found them to be when we were in 6th grade health class giggling every time the professor said testicles or anus? Lets cut flatulence and move to farts. Penis? Screw it. I’m thinking either dong or cockmeat. Vagina? I think we can all agree on that special four letter word…Not really though. I know that word is going to be off limits for a long time to come. Still, what guy do you know that actually ejaculates sperm? Not literally of course. Bustin’ a nut just rolls right off the tongue, and it’s fun to say. Sure, it’s good for everyone to know about the scientific process of it all; I couldn’t agree more with that. But if we’re going to pay so much for it, then the text could include a little more zest and modernity. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love knowing that the sperm fertilizes the egg to create a zygote that will need a great deal of cytoplasm and nourishment to stay alive. That doesn’t mean you can’t also call it planting the seed or making a baby that will lead to kankles and midnight Dairy Queen cravings for mommy. I’m not talking about full-on erotica in college biology textbooks, just a quick translation.

Who knows? Maybe I wouldn’t feel so ripped off about having to keep my Spanish books if there were a few authentic recipes or tequila recommendation at the end of each chapter. At least then it would still be relevant.

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My Puppy and Parvo: What happened?

December 8th, 2009 by admin No comments »

My Thanksgiving Break took an unexpected turn on Thanksgiving Day. We brought my 15 week old puppy out to the country to celebrate Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle’s new place. Now normally, my puppy, Bagheera, a black chow/lab/German shepherd mix (so we’ve heard), is quite an excited dog. However, on that particular day, he seemed fairly well behaved and calm, or so we thought.
I’ll start from the very beginning.
Thanksgiving Morning: He had thrown up once in the morning bu seemed fairly normal on the drive down there, a little over an hour. Overall, he seemed okay and walked around the property as he might normally, but the firs sign was that he did not drink any water. Out of the four hours or so that we were there, he maybe only took a few small sips.
Thanksgiving-Late Afternoon: He threw up twice, and I’m talking huge, heaping piles of chunky mess before we left. This happened once more in my car on the way home. It looked like everything he had ever eaten, ever, came out of him. So, we got home and he went straight to my room. I assumed that being in a new environment had worn him out, so I let him rest.
Thanksgiving night: I started to worry around 7 or 8 o’clock. Whenever I went to play with him or pet him, he could only stare up at me. I tried to stand him up and he simply fell back on his side and shied away from me. This is when I truly became worried. I had him in the Emergency vet clinic by 9:30.
Now, I must warn that the emergency clinic is much more expensive that your average family veterinarian’s office. But, it was Thanksgiving, and it was all that was open. We later discovered that our local pet hospital wouldn’t even have vets in the office for the rest of the weekend. Anyway, a vet and a vet tech examined him and mentioned 3 possibilities: 1. Intestinal worms 2. Parvovirus 3. Intestinal obstruction. They took some tests. He had number 1 and 2.
Honestly, I felt completely devastated upon hearing my puppy, of which I had only had for a little over a month and a half, had parvovirus. I could hardly hold back my sadness in front of the vet tech. I started feeling guilty and blaming myself for not getting his vaccinations sooner. I pretty much felt hopeless from all of the previous horror stories I had heard about puppies contracting parvo. Still, the vet informed me that my puppy could have been carrying it for weeks already and that there was no way of knowing when the vaccinations took effect (puppies can catch parvo during their round of parvo vaccinations or, rarely, catch the virus from the vaccinations themselves). No matter what they told me though, I still felt completely responsible for the pain he was feeling.
The vet worked up an expense sheet for two treatment options, either in-patient or out-patient. In-patient hovered somewhere around $400 and out-patient breached the $2000 mark and kept climbing until $3000. Our decisions was made to go with the more affordable option. The vet stated that the in-patient is usually more effective, but the chances of a puppy surviving parvo depended mostly on the strength and immune defenses of the puppy.
This is important. To anyone who faces the trials of having an animal with parvo, do not feel down about having to take the out-patient option. Sure, in-patient gives them a constant iv drip of fluids while in the hospital, but it does not guarantee them love, support, or human contact around the clock. Plus, Bagheera was given a 40 % chance if we treated him at home, only a small step down from a 50 % chance of in hospital treatment. Remember, constant monitoring and nurturing will most definitely help a puppy with parvo, but the chance of survival is largely dependent on the strength of the puppy.
So, that night, Thanksgiving night, he was given a bag of IV fluids, anti-nausea medication, and antibiotics, to ward off secondary infections. This was repeated the next three nights at the emergency clinic. We took him back about once every 20 or 24 hours, the last night being Sunday. Also, the vet told us that if he could make it, could avoid dying, until Monday, then our chances would drastically improve. Here is what happened between those days:
Friday: His condition wasn’t horrible yet, and we slightly fooled ourselves that this was as bad as it would get. He drank water with bacon bits in it, but not water by itself. He also ate leftover turkey and ham in small amounts. He even managed to play with the other dogs and walk around the house. Meanwhile, I spent hours, on and off, reading forums and stories about people who had past experiences with parvo, both successful and unsuccessful. The were equal parts encouraging and discouraging. He had some diarrhea, but that was all. I went to bed that night thinking that he would probably be fine.
Saturday: This was essentially the beginning of a plateau, the first day of his sickest peak. He couldn’t even look at food or water. All he did was lay around and look at people hopelessly. I have to tell you, seeing that look in a dog’s eyes is enough to send you into tears. I know that I could hardly hold back most of the time. This was the first day that we started giving him water and pedialyte through syringes supplied by the vet’s office. Overall, we gave him about 5 full 60cc syringes that day. He threw up maybe once or twice. This was also the day of yellow diarrhea. It is the most wretched foul smelling liquid that has ever made passage into my nostrils, like mustard gas curb stomping my olfactory receptors. He was very lethargic all day and slept most of the time, except for when we had to force feed him. *They will hate you for shooting water and pedialyte down their throats, but it is necessary to help keep them alive. Each day, Bagheera grew more wary of us when we would approach him, using the energy he had to scurry away from us and hide under a table or chair. We took him back to the vet that night for his daily injection of fluid and medicine. By this time, he was weak enough to the point where he didn’t bark, yelp, or even squirm through anal thermometer penetration or syringe injections of anti-nausea medication (they say this stuff burns like crazy).
Sunday: This day was basically a repeat of Saturday, except with more puke and diarrhea. At this point, his poop was dark brown and as foul as ever. That was the only time he ever moved by himself, when he needed to go to the bathroom. However, he rarely ever made it to the backyard and there was plenty of clean up to be done in the living room at 3 AM. By the way, you can expect to lose a lot of sleep during an ordeal with parvo. Often, I found myself waking up in 30 minute intervals to lay a hand on his side, keenly tuning in to the rise and fall of his chest or some shallow heartbeat. Sometimes I even ruffled his fur lightly, just to see him open his eyes so I could go back to sleep for another half hour. We took him to the vet for his fluids again and not much changed.
Monday: He had made it to Monday. I was hopeful, but still skeptical. The diarrhea still kept coming and he hadn’t eaten since Friday. I decided to put off gonig back to school until Tuesday morning. I knew there was no point in going to class or work because I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. This was the first day we took him to our family vet and received the best news of all. He said that he had rarely ever seen a dog make it as long as Bagheera had and die. Also, he said that the diarrhea was a good sign, meaning that he was still expelling the virus from his system. So, they filled him up with fluids and we took him home. The vet said we could expect a full recovery by Thursday.
Tuesday: I had to drive back to school because finals were coming up and left early that morning. I remember getting out of bed that morning to the best thing I had seen in days. When I walked out of my room, Bagheera stood up on the couch and wagged his tail. Later that night, my dad texted me a video of him eating dog food, and even later, playing with his bone.
Now: He is fully recovered. By that Thursday, he was running around, pulling food off the table, and chewing on everything from rocks to plant pots just like his old self. I can definitely and wholeheartedly say that the fight against parvo was one of the most emotionally draining things I have ever been through. There were times where I tried to imagine what life would be like if we lost him, and I simply couldn’t without tears streaming down my cheeks. There were times during his sickness where I would go for runs at the track and completely lose myself, stopping with weak legs and sweat pouring from the cuffs of my shirt, wondering how long I had been running. It was an extremely depressing time and I am so thankful, can’t say to who though, that he survived and has recovered.
For anyone else who finds themselves facing a puppy with parvo, never give up. If you notice any signs in your dog, whether lethargy or diarrhea, a lack of appetite for food or water, don’t hesitate to get them checked out.

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A portrait: The east side of the Freeway

November 24th, 2009 by admin No comments »

I moved recently, from west to east. I like it here. On the west side, it was all dog parks, young professionals, yuppies, health food stores, condo developments, and overpriced car washes. Here, on the east side of town, there are rib shacks, barbershops, free std clinics, chain link, and pit bulls.

Dilapidated houses with sagging porches and women with saggy tits lines the streets. Old men with tattered and stained Christmas sweaters sit at the bus stop benches, slicking their hair back with no destination in mind, making cat-calls to the ladies across the street. It actually makes the drive home pretty interesting. Still, I do have one problem, one colossal issue that most likely quickens the pace of my aging progress each day: Traffic.

The east side has its quirks. Sure, people cross the street where there is no crosswalk, taking their sweet time, looking you in the eye as if to tell you that they hate you simply for being in a car. Sure, the people actually in cars drive with the decisiveness of the squirrels one would find darting back and forth across the street, stopping and starting again, until they stop all at once under the tires of one of those tiny pickup trucks, the ones where the driver can’t seem to find the accelerator or turn signal. And of course, those who can find the gas pedal can’t seem to let off for even a second, at least until they are able to drive up side by side with your own car, relinquishing an array of pleasure induced aggressive phrases, before speeding off again only to get stuck behind another one of those tiny pickups. I am willing to let all of this go, all of it. After all, we all live in an area made up of one lane roads, wide enough for two lanes, but one because the city planner behind it all wanted to provide his drivers with a luxurious cruising area. I can understand the sentiment behind the act, but if that is the case, then why must it be 30 mph all the way down? So, we all are in the same boat and I can understand the need to beat mercilessly on the steering wheel or scream obscenities into a muffled hand. It is necessary to one’s health, especially when driving on the road of Austin. If we had to just sit there and take it all, then I’m afraid there would be a lot more stalled vehicles and premature aneurysms. However, the one thing I can’t let go, the one unforgivable aspect of this great city, is the traffic.

I can honestly say that the designer and engineer behind I-35 should be put on trial. It is actually that bad. I can’t even begin to guess how many cases of domestic violence, road rage, and car accidents have come from driving on 35. The worst thing about it is that there is no designated traffic time. Sure, 4:30 to about 7:00 is a horrific time to be driving most anywhere, but it doesn’t end there. Thursday afternoon, Sunday night; it is insane. Traffic pisses people off. Everyone is switching lanes to try and get home as quick as possible. Then fender benders are popping up all over the freeway. Lanes are closed because of those fender benders. A vicious cycle. I’ll bet the husband of the year could get a promotion, nail the assistant (which I guess would contradict him being husband of the year, accept in the eyes of everyone else, who still know nothing of his office affair), and get the last piece of cake in the break room, drive home, get stuck in rush hour on I-35, walk in the door and backhand his first born for getting a B on his spelling test. Not just any B either, a B+. That is how bad it is. Austin traffic turns angels into demons, men into monsters. New cases of Intermittent Explosive disorder are springing up all over town, while others just wither away and die while sitting bumper to bumper, nothing on the radio because someone stole their Antenna. I know that’s what I do, just take my seat belt off, roll the window down, and watch my soul float right out into the mess of idling metal and gasoline fumes until it is sucked into the undercarriage of an eighteen wheeler, everyone’s worst enemy. Hence, the mindless zombie look you catch on people’s faces.

So, I do love you east side. I love your assortment of bbq and $6 haircuts, but I hate your closest major freeway, and for that, I am sorry.

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My Hospital Bill

November 21st, 2009 by admin No comments »

A little over two weeks ago, I broke my wrist during a soccer game. I’ll have to say that definitely sucked. And when I say broke, I mean broke. I broke the shit out of it, specifically the radius bone. If I can get a hold of some pictures, I’ll be sure to post them. So, before I get started on discussing my hospital bill, let me start closer to the beginning.

Well, I didn’t take an ambulance to the hospital. Figured I’d save a few grand. The captain of the team actually ended up driving me, which was interesting. Before we departed from the fields, one of my team mates suggested a hospital that was closer by, which we dove to. It was in fact closer, the only problem being that there was no hospital there.

Anyway, we got to the emergency room about half an hour it had happened. The pain was definitely intense, but for some reason I had imagined it hurting more. This was my first break, after all. Even in the instant that I broke it, I didn’t notice right away. I fell down, got up, and began to run again. I thought my vision was a little wobbly and out of whack, but it actually just turned out that my arm was bent, like an optical illusion. There were about 20 people waiting when I got there, all seemingly okay just from looking. If anything, I was quite the spectacle,. appearing to be the only person with any visible injury. So, I got moved to the top of the list. They checked me out in about 15 minutes and in another 10, they called me back. I thought, “Damn. Who am I to rip on our health care system? This is going quicker than I thought.” Then, of course, I was whipped back into reality. Just like a visit to the doctor’s office, I then waited in a smaller, discreet, and more sterile room for another twenty minutes. I think it was around that time I was issued my first vicodin.

Multiple doctors and nurses poked their heads inside the door to comment on the nature of my wrist. I was taken to get some x rays and then a shot was administered directly into the bone. That did not feel good. I feel like that sensation was the closest feeling to passing out I’ve ever had, I think. The substance they injected was some cousin of Novocaine, which left the injured area completely numb. Then my arm was hung in a medieval/Chinese finger trap type contraption to set the bone. Well, the bone did set, and it did pop out again and it did reset, and it also popped out again. Then came another series of x-rays, maybe four times total. By the way, the setting took place as the Yankees put another World Series title under their belt. Big Surprise, but I won’t get into that now.

The doctors figured out that the bone wouldn’t set on its own, so surgery was needed. And I got the luxury of staying overnight, cleats, high socks, grass stains, sweat stained shirt and all. I proceeded to wash my face in the bathroom down the hall with antibacterial hand sanitizer. Slight relief.

The morphine came around 2 in the morning, right around the time the numbing agent had worn off completely. Morphine has never sat quite right with me. Right when it hits the bloodstream, I get the strange feeling that my body is shutting down, like I’m paralyzed for a few seconds, then it dissipates into a pseudo-pleasant sensation. I think I hit the button for more another two times during the night, the last time finding myself rejected because surgery would take place soon.

They proceeded with the normal jibber jabber and before I knew it, I had woken up, post-op. Now, coming off anesthesia is extremely trippy, but I won’t let myself get carried away with describing all the intricacies of my medicinal hallucinations.

To get to the point, I recuperated that day, spoke to various people; discharge nurses, social workers, surgeons. Everyone was very polite. Then I left, with a prescription for 60 high grade painkillers.

Today was the day that I took my first peek at the hospital bill. Sure, I had my guesses for what it might cost, but I was pretty far off, in the thousands. I did get my appendix removed in the 8th grade and that was about 12 grand, so I was expecting something considerably less this time around. After all, the appendectomy left me bedridden in the hospital for four days. The broken wrist didn’t even constitute a 24 hour stay. Are you ready for this, the cost of it all, the inescapable price of a broken wrist, a couple drops of morhpine, stale jokes, an assless gown, and a microwaved tray lunch.

$26,175.25

Yep. I’m sure you’re feelin’ it too. That sense of astonishment expanding in the pit of your stomach, sucking your pharynx through the lining of your larynx, a vortex pulling your organs downward until your cerebellum makes it way out the back end for you to look at with detached retinas. A little extreme, but essentially, our health care system makes me feel physically sick, and shocked. Who knows why it is this way? Maybe I pushed my luck the second time I buzzed the nurse in, like each press of the button sent an impulse to some massive motherboard that calculated and logged how much attention each patient required, then converting that attention to a monetary value to be wire transferred to the wallets and purses of all on duty. Perhaps I took thing a little too far when I required assistance removing my shirt to change into that sweet assless gown. I’m bewildered. Still, it was a learning experience and now I know better. If and when I happen to break something else, just call my drug dealer, bite a stick, and have my mom take a look at it.

26 grand just seems excessive, and the charges are still adding up. Now I get to have follow-up appointments with skeletal specialists, the first of which I had to take off work because they are only open two minutes out of every hour. Then I had to pay for parking, which they charge you for by the half hour, the first 30 minutes being free. Well, if the doctor would have just showed up on time, instead of being an hour late, then I wouldn’t have had to pay the four dollars. Can’t forget about the $35 copay for the x-rays either. Considering that I only spoke to the actual doctor for under a minute, the amount of time in which we figured out that the lack of ability for my thumb to bend was not normal, all of my expectations were met.

I look forward to my next follow-up appointment, eight weeks from now.

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Props to UC Students

November 21st, 2009 by admin No comments »

Tuition increases every year, no matter what, and I can not seem to wrap my head around it. What changes so drastically that we need a 10 % increase very year? I think that’s the going annual increase at my school, about 10 %. I still recognize all of the professors, all of the buildings still lean the same way, and the library still smells funny. What changes so much each year that universities need to suck more money out of everyone for tuition? One would think that endowments in the form of hundreds of millions, sometimes even billions (not hundreds), of dollars would be enough to provide a pretty damn decent college experience. I mean, the yearly tuition hikes at my school haven’t left my family of myself penniless, putting on weekly garage sales to pay for my education, but I would really like to know why. Why?

This brings me to what is happening in the state of California, specifically in the University of California Education system. A 32 % increase in tuition is absolutely ridiculous. I understand that the problem of funding doesn’t stem directly from the Universities, but from the state and national government. I understand that we are in a recession and budgets are being cut nationwide. Still, there is no excuse for what is happening in Our higher education system. Before we all know it, four year universities could be unattainable to the majority of the nation. It won’t even have anything to do with being poor. Instead, it will all be about, can I afford the option of paying the tuition at a four year school. It will be even more of a luxury than it is now. Four year universities will be the equivalent of shopping at Whole Foods, while community colleges will represent the Randall’s and Sam’s crowd (no offense to either store, or community colleges). So, I give my full support to all of the students protesting at the Los Angeles, Berkley, Davis, and other University of California campuses, for whatever it is worth, which in this case, is worthless because my opinion doesn’t really provide any monetary relief to those who will be forced to leave school because of the 32% tuition hike. Still though, I feel you.

California’s economy is in some deep shit, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways around this whole tuition deal. I’ll put it this way: If this happened at my university, then I would want to see every budget and expense report to know exactly what the school is spending its money on. What kind of coffee are they putting in the break rooms? Is it Green Mountain, Starbucks, Millstone? If it was, I’d tell everyone to get ready for either some Maxwells or some Folgers. Kiss the creamer goodbye too. I’d be looking at paper plates. Are they the really flimsy ones or those Dixy brand ones with the reinforced edges and ability to hold up porterhouses and baked potatoes and shit? Who’s supplying the cafeteria? What kind of deal are we getting on bulk orders of napkins, bread, and milk? Are we ordering new editions of text books every year? That’s one that really gets to me. If edition 12 is only a page or two different than edition 11, than what is the reason for ordering it, other than the bureaucratic business bullshit of the explanation? Basically, I think that the Education Board in California needs to start pulling receipts on everything. Who paid for the Dean’s Christmas beak trip? Why does my financial aid adviser drive a new beemer? These are some questions that could use answering, because I guarantee that all business-like entities are wasteful in some ways when it comes to budget expenses. After all, people are most definitely wasteful, and we are what makes up businesses. We all learned what the big wigs on wall street were doing with our money, so who’s to say that the fat cats on Hollywood Blvd. aren’t doing the same? There are always luxuries that can be cut out of the system, still leaving one hell of an educational institution.

I know that it isn’t just as easy as demanding to know where your money is going, even though it is more than reasonable. In fact, these west coast students have been doing quite a bit of demanding already, and instead of answers or satisfaction, handcuffs and badges are the only things coming their way. Still, being arrested for protesting is nothing to be ashamed of, especially if it is for a cause that you deem to be worthy. If anything, I would put it on my resume. Say “Ya. I got cuffed. Little time in the big house. Ain’t no thang. Just keepin’ it real.” Plus, we all know that if our parents have been arrested for anything in the past, it was either pot or taking a righteous stand against the man. If your parents did it, then it’s definitely alright. It may not be logical, but at least it would stand up in an argument with, say, your parents.

There are many students in California and across the US that won’t or would not be affected by a 32% tuition raise, or even a 50% tuition raise. Those are also the kids that most likely wouldn’t be affected if they totaled their car with a blood alcohol of .21. Not everyone has the money to throw at all of their money problems. If that were the case, well, that actually doesn’t even make sense. And, we all know that when tuition is raised, then financial aid is affected. Less money is given to those who need it the most and more students are forced to withdrawal their enrollment. It is something that is happening more and more with the current state of our economy. For instance, at Reed College, “known for its free-spirited students”, located in the progressive state of Oregon, “Too many of the students needed financial aid, and the college did not have enough. So the director of financial aid gave the team another task: drop more than 100 needy students before sending out acceptances, and substitute those who could pay full freight.” If that doesn’t completely suck, if that doesn’t completely, or at least partially squash your dreams, if that doesn’t completely light a fire inside of your soul, then I can’t say what would.

I would like to think that most colleges do their best in trying to provide a one of a kind and positive experience for the students, so they can’t always be the ones to blame. You have to trace the problem to the source, which in this case probably had something to do with lost investments and fraudulent CEO’s. What can you do?

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P90X Day 3 & 4

June 14th, 2009 by admin No comments »

My life may have been permanently altered after plyometrics.

I have never been that sore in my entire life. Remember. It’s not the day after that you have to worry about. It’s the day after the day after that shoud be dreaded, which in my case, was today. But don’t let me skip ahead.

Yesterday was day 3, Shoulders and arms. I’ll admit that I was slightly dissapointed with the intensity of this workout, but the video was probably not to blame. My roomamte and I are doing the budget version of p90x, so we each bought one dumbell. This meant that we constantly had to pause the video so we could both get through the exercise while using two dumbells. Still, I am only slightly sore from this workout. My triceps felt it pretty badly, but my shoulder did okay. You well definitely experience some innovative and tough workouts.

Today was yoga. Let me say, wholeheartedly, that this was the most difficult video I have experienced yet (even though this is only my fourth day). By the way, unlike the other videos,which are one hour, the yoga video is an hour and a half, which slowly drips by at an excruciating pace. I have never done yoga and have never had a clear opinion of it, but I must say now, props to all of the yoga masters. You are all clearly some of the most fit people in the world. The first 45 minutes consisted of sweat breaking, puke inducing poses that tested your mental and physical endurance whic hwill teach you that you are anything but flexible. The second half is slightly more relaxed, focusing on balance, some abs, and relaxation/meditiation. I enjoyed the second half. It really got me into the zone.

So, yoga is supposed to be an exercise that works your mind and your body. Yoga is something that should be peaceful, personal, and soothing, maybe even quiet. I will say that Tony Horton does like to talk, but he does throw in an almost full minute of silence towards the very end of the video, creaking slightly before to let the audience know that he is about to stop being quiet. Still, you gotta love this guy.

Overall, I feel excellent right now. My soreness faded to the back of my mind and I feel an inner energy boost that I can not remember feeling in quite some time. Yoga X is a son of a b, but you will be better off for it.

Remember. Do your best. Forget the rest.

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P90X: The Beginning Day 1 & 2

June 12th, 2009 by admin No comments »

Okay.

So it has been a  while. School got harder at the end of the semester, as it always did, and the prospect of summer made me slightly less ambitious. However, I think I have found my redemption, my savior, and it comes in the form of 12 fairly expensive dvds with various catchphrases and sweaty muscled bodies. P90X. Props to you Mr. Horton.

Now, instead of lounging around the house each day or laying by the pool, I can devote myself to a full 60 minutes of high intensity, muscle confuisng training, sometimes 75 minutes with the Ab Ripper X. Really, it is a big deal to be able to knock some time out of my day. With the exercise, the big meals, and the satisfied state of utter exhaustion, Im able to clear out a good 3 or 4 hours from the naps that come after the workout.

Yesterday was my first day, chest and shoulders. I will admit that it was fairly dificult to keep up with the muscled men and women in the video, but I was able to hold my own some of the time. After all, I have been keeping up with a fairly consistent push-up and ab regimen for many months, many years. By no means am I saying that I set a schedule for myself to workout, but I did sprinkle them throughout my day, whether it was between shots of McCormick or reruns South Park. What I am saying though is that this workout, P90X, is more for people who are already in some sort of decent shape. It is to help the slightly ripped, toned, and lean bodies, become even more ripped, tone, and lean. Still, I would recommend it to anyone who was interested.

After the first workout, chest and shoulders, I felt excellent. I was often able to keep up with the German girl. However, day two, plyometrics, was a different story. Plyometrics, as I now know, is a high intensity, quick heart rate, ass kicking workout. Your legs will feel the burn, maybe. I have neglected my legs and only focused on working out extremities that are above the waistline for the past few years, so I had my ass handed to me today. I may now only climb the stairs in our apartment as an injured gorilla might. But, it felt extremely rewarding to finish the full hour, even if my roommate and I did pause the video frequently to grunt in various fashions and slosh water over the floor as we tried to deperately pour it into our parched mouths. Afterwards, my roommate took his shirt off and hung it over a chair. It is still dripping sweat onto the ground as I type this, a little over an hour later. EXTREME.

So, if all goes to plan, I will try to keep up with my progress, along with my roommates. I even took a day one photo that I will try and post. Also, let it be known that I am not directly following the nutrition guide for this workout series. However, I am laying off of sweets, eating plenty of protein, and consuming probably the most god awful superfood I have yet to come across in this world. I have been taking about 10-12 grams a day of both Spirulina and Chlorella. Each tasty and chalky serving is a fight for nutrition and against the gag reflex that wants me to spew green, micro algae sludge all over the kitchen. I will see how that goes.

Now, I wait for tomorrow, arms and shoulders along with a little slice of ab ripper x at the end. I can taste the sweat and feel the burn just thinking about it.

BRING IT

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Review: District B13 (Banlieue 13)

April 10th, 2009 by admin No comments »

Make no mistake. The French will take you down.

Pure Adrenaline is a good way to describe this movie. Here’s what its about. The year is 2010 and Paris has turned into a slum, a ghetto of sorts. So, the government built walls around the cities. There are no police, schools, or hospitals. Drug lords run all of the business and control anyone and everyone. However, Leito (David Belle), is somewhat of a leader himself. He has his own small army of henchmen that he pays to keep drugs out of the neighborhood. In fact, the first time you see Leito in the movie he is dumping a million Euros of heroin down the drain. He’s a good guy. Well, to move along, Leito’s sister, Lola, gets kidnapped my the drug dealer who lost all of that heroin and Leito gets arrested by some corrupt police officers. 6 months later. Captain Damien Tomaso (Cyril Raffaelli), an undercover cop, teams up with our good friend Leito to diffuse a neutron bomb that was stolen inside of District B13. Also, if the plot sounds a little fishy to you, then that’s a good thing. It should.

First off, the fight scenes are superb. I’m pretty sure many of the actors were free runners, or urban acrobats. You’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it. The opening scene alone, where Leito destroys all the heroin, has enough action to be spread throughout an entire movie. It’s not just the way he fights though. It’s the way he escapes. He is a master of escaping, a slippery guy that no one can keep their hands on. Not to mention, he is a good guy. His character is well acted and you truly feel that he is a hard ass with a heart of gold underneath.

Captain Tomaso is similar to Leito, almost too similar… They are both really muscular, well built, smaller guys who know how to kick ass. There are differences though. Captain Tomaso plays by the book. He wants to protect and save the world and is willing to risk life and limb to do it, but there are rules and plans to follow. Leito is more of a spontaneous, willy nilly, figure things out on the fly type guy. So, one can only guess what effect this might have. Two mismatched men trying to save two million people with their own ideas? Of course. Some humorous fight scenes, silly one liners, and good back to back fight sequences.

The action is definitely hard to beat in this movie, but there is still more to it. The acting and casting was extremely well done. The drug lords are ruthless, the henchmen are easy to fight off in packs, and the good guys joke about their impending doom. It sounds formulaic, but there is so much more. The twist at the end proves that.

Just a random fact: David Belle invented this discipline known as Parkour, which consists of moving quickly and efficiently in any environment, using only the abilities of the human body. Also, Cyril Raffaelli has quite the resume. He was the stunt coordinator for The Incredible Hulk, Hitman, Transporter, and Transporter 2. That means he was laying the choreography down for Jason Statham. Ya. Everyone knows he’s the ultimate badass. So, that says something about this Raffaelli guy.

This movie made me laugh and yell at some points. Trust me. There is a scene in the beginning where Leito totally owns a police officer. Not to mention, their whole “duo of crime fighters from different backgrounds but common goals” thing they’ve got going on. It’s classic. If you like action and love the French, or like action and don’t like the Frecnh, or don’t like action and like the French, or don’t like action and happen to also not like the French, then see this movie. It will change your opinion on both.

Oh man. I just remembered the cars these gangsters roll around in. Holy shit! Big guys like K2 in tricked out Honda Civics. Ya. This is definitely a must watch. Definitely some tricks up this movie’s sleeve.

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